Robbers did. Yes, my biggest fear as a kid was that someone with a gun would break into my house. That's what I get for being a girl who loved watching 20/20, Dateline, and 60 Minutes, I suppose. Somewhere between ages 12 and 17, I became very afraid of snakes. This is not a mere distaste for the reptile. They truly terrify me, and I think this is getting worse with age! It's easy to list a slew of things that scare me. Robbers, snakes, earthquakes, car crashes. But the chances of these things happening are somewhat slim. It's not like they are daily fears of mine, and really, who in their right mind wouldn't be scared of those things?
Of the things that truly strike fear in me, there is an underlying theme of unexpected loss. Losing Matt changed everything I knew about life and people and value. Losing my health (at my own hands) had me in a hospital and questioning how in the world I let it get to that. (The first night in a psych ward is effing scary, people.) Losing Big Paw (my family's first pet) and losing Tollhouse (mine and my husband's first pet) strangled my heart. Losing three of my grandparents within six months left me breathless and unsure of how one consoles a parent. Losing friendships... suck. Losing my mom to diseases that only sometimes make themselves visible makes me want to abandon my whole life just to be with her all the time for the rest of our lives.
Since I was 15, I've had a fear that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, and I realize that this is still a fear of the possibility the I might not have that experience -- a loss of that experience. We've still not tried to get pregnant, so sometimes, that thought pops in my head.
Loss is something that everyone experiences, but I think there's the added layer of "How will I get through it?" That's the hardest part of losing something, isn't it? Finding the strength to move on which means leaving something behind. it is difficult, but it is totally possible. As cliche as this sounds, I guess the best thing to do about this fear is to make the most of the time I have with others, so that is what I shall do.
Linking up with Story of My Life