I'm in love with my husband. I fell hard for him over six years ago. If you've been in love, you can recall how the entire first year is big lovely blur yet every moment together is remembered in infinite detail. The first "L" bomb is always memorable, but another important thing he told me in that first year was,
"I don't need you."
After the initial shock of my heart being suffocated, he explained. There was nothing about us that required he be with me. He could absolutely live without me, but... he chose me. Immediately, I understood. He was the first person I dated who I didn't need in some way. To my detriment, I had relied so heavily on past boyfriends that I lost some independence, and probably, some accountability. Most of that dependence on others stemmed from the trickling effect of losing Matt. This time around, I chose Mr. TBS -- without hopes that he would fill a void. Of course, life would bring difficult times during which we would support each other and endure as a pair, but at the root of it, we chose each other.
We chose each other.
We chose to integrate each other into our personal goals.
We chose a lifetime roller-coaster buddy.
We chose to build a life together.
We chose to invest in each other and our individual selves.
He is my partner in life, and we are equals. Neither of us expects to be treated like the boss or the princess. We celebrate each other and maintain our individuality in our one-ness. Our love is expressed through few material things for reasons of frugality and our intention to focus on experiences together rather than new "toys". For example, we have gone horseback riding to celebrate our birthdays (one month apart) instead of buying clothes or electronics for one another. There is absolutely nothing wrong with gifts (and anyone who says otherwise is lying), but we love investing in fun things we can do together!
Last week at yoga, my teacher opened and closed the class with the concept that we cannot control everything in life, but we can control more than we think. In any given situation, 10% of the equation is what happens to us. The other 90% is what we choose do afterward.
To know and grow love that has nothing to do with need has made me feel so... empowered. And confident and light! It has changed how I view myself and my relationships. My husband doesn't need me, and I don't need him, but I know our love is stronger because of that.
I don't really believe in luck, but realizations like this make me feel so lucky!