"I need a lesson about parenting from your mom and dad, because that's how I want to raise my kids."
I've heard this a number of times since high school. I think it's both a compliment to my parents and to my sister, brother, and me. My parents have always gone above and beyond the call of parental duty, and they still do -- no matter how old we are or where we live. I'm not a mother yet, so I can only imagine how proud I would feel if someone said that to me. However, I still felt proud hearing that!
I guess I'm not too shabby at this "makin' my parents proud" business! The latest person to say such a thing about my parents? My husband. :-)
I know it will be helpful to write down all the things I observe and learn from my parents, but instead of writing them in a journal, I figured this blog would be just as good a place as any to keep those notes!
So here are five (of many) things I've learned about parenting from Mom & Dad:
1. Keep the lines of communication open. Make sure you're always on the same page and that everyone in the family feels encouraged and appreciated. Communication was key in maintaining the family schedule which was always packed with dance classes, voice lessons, rehearsals, school activities, shows, sports, piano lessons, Eagle Scouts, etc. It also kept our family grounded and in tune. We always knew where everyone else was. We supported each other's activities. Even scolding came in the form of discussion rather than lecturing. Which leads me to #2.
2. Conversation works better than yelling. I was never grounded, but it wasn't because I never disobeyed or broke a rule. My parents perfected the art of making me see the error of my ways through discussion which always explicitly included: a) what I did wrong, b) why it upset them, c) what I should have done instead, and d) that they loved me. It sounds like something unattainable out of a parenting book, but when approached genuinely, it totally works! I NEED TO DO THIS!
3. Your kids are never too old to be encouraged. My dad is the master of encouragement. My mom is equally supportive, but my dad always verbalizes it. Notes like "Have a grrrreat day, beauty! We're so proud of you!" are now sent in a text message instead of taped to my bathroom mirror. I'm turning 28 this year, and I still love those "just because" e-mails, text messages, and phone calls.
True story: We have home video footage of me (age 5?) telling my cousin Sara, "You can do anything if you put your mind to it!" Thanks, Dad! I also learned how to spell "victory" at a young age:
"Victory, victory is our cry! V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!"
4. Be involved but not overbearing. Everything was a family affair. My parents didn't just show up and clap their hands for me. My mom was PTA president, Area Coordinator for
CYT, show choir parent booster club president, dance studio office assistant, and national trip tour guide (Hawai'i, Nashville, New York -- she now leads international trips). My dad, who worked full-time, assisted my mom in all of those endeavors. He would drive dinner to the theater on his way home from work when I had rehearsal until 11:00pm. It wasn't enough for them to show up; they always got involved. I think they found joy in being involved in my life that way, and let's be honest, it was a productive way of keeping their eye on me too.
5. Document everything! There are collections of home videos and photo albums... and then there's my family. We have a
library of memories. My mom made scrapbooks of all of our shows. Our family photo albums are coded (A-Z, AA-ZZ, AAA-ZZZ) and are approaching the quadruple digits (AAAA-ZZZZ). Our home videos span from 1987 to now -- complete with my dad's amateur cinematic skills of fading in and out and setting the scene with narration before capturing footage. We love nothing more than watching those videos (now transferred to DVD). And we three kids have memories to laugh about even though we were too young to actually remember them.
Parenting is an extremely personal journey, and I respect that! You may or may not find this insightful. But I wanted to document this for my own future reference too!
I hope you enjoyed your Easter, Passover, or regular ol' weekend! I wish you a magnificent week ahead!