Thursday, February 2, 2012

Link-Up: My Presidential Platform

I'm linking up with Erin at Living In Yellow to tell you why you should vote for me if I ever run for president.  (But don't hold your breath, because I would never want that job.)

In no particular order, here are my "blah blah" politician promises.  ;-)

  • For starters, I have so much zest for life, it's not even funny.  Those other politicians ain't got nothin' on this shiz.
My sister looks so pretty and proper, and I'm a spaz screaming, "Look at my zest for life!"
We have a lot of joy to share with the world.  Blame it on our musical theatre upbringing.

  • All functions other than "9-1-1" would be disabled on cell phones in cars. (I'd have engineers figure out a way for this to be true for drivers only.)
  • Free education for all.
  • Parents who put their children on "Toddlers and Tiaras" would be jailed.
  • There would be a pre-approval process for pregnancy and parenting. (See prior bullet point)
  • Everyone would be required to complete a minimum of 50 hours of community service per year.
  • I would welcome people to live here -- legally.
  • All genetically modified foods would be labeled.
  • Full-time status would be four ten-hour days with three-day weekends.
  • All people would wear their pants at the waist.
  • The medical field would concentrate on the source of ailments instead of masking them with pharmaceutical products.
  • Animals would not be factory farmed to feed people and each other.  (Yeah, you heard me.  Undesirable animal parts are used as filler for animal feed.  Gross.)
  • TVs would be programmed to turn on only after everyone in the home has completed at least 30 minutes of physical activity.  (Hey, I could use that, for sure!)
  • Over-sized vehicles would be permitted only when necessary, and all other cars would be hybrid and electric.
  • National colors would be jewel tones.
  • I would create a secret service agency that rewards random acts of kindness.
  • People posing with the duck face would be given a community service hour for every offending photo.
  • All fast food joints would be closed.  (I would miss In 'N Out just as much as the next person, but I prefer a healthy, working population.)
  • Every company would have a wellness incentive program.
  • Equal rights.  
  • Solar panels.  Everywhere.
  •  Trader Joe's Peppermint Joe-Joes would be available year-round.
It's a start.  Would you vote for me?  I mean, come on.  It's a vote for awesomeness, clearly. 


rkjalernpan said...

I would for sure vote for you!!! This post made me laugh a whole lot, and I support many of your platform points! Love this idea.

Jess said...

Parents who put their children on "Toddlers and Tiaras" would be jailed.
^ That is hilarious!
We actually talked about this in one of my classes today lol


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Chaos and Coffee said...

Girl you would have my vote!